The Night-mare before Christmas...

Well, this week has been altogether very interesting. On Thursday I had all my wonderful friends around for a christmas dinner party. Mexican food and funny cocktails with cranberry and orange juice made for an awesome night. My sister, Lucy, joined in too- and made us all pee ourselves laughing with her siamese pig impression. I know it sounds odd, but it really is very funny!
And then we moved to the sitting room and played spoons [the card game] which was funny as Phoebe kept screaming "SPOON!" every time she picked up a spoon and Becky and Laura fought over a spoon... Not mean fighting...just physical scrambling over the footstool...and then of course there was Matt. Matt and Laura kept sitting together [had nothing to do with the fact that I made them...] but they looked so ute together..!! Im hoping they'll get together soon as all this cute flirting stuff is starting to get on my nerves and I really think they'd make a great couple! HINT HINT guys... ;)
Then on Friday I was unusually exhausted and weak and pale....and Jo the nurse came to our house to take my bloods and change my dressing. Turns out I had low haemoglobin and they wanted me to go into Hospital for a transfusion. We got to the hospital at half one, and didn't leave until around nine.
So, Mum and Lucy went shopping and Daddy stayed with me and we watched 'Bargain Hunt' which was fun because we took the mick outta the contestants.
And then Mum and Lucy came back with presents, and food. Crisps, teacakes, clementines, grapes, chocolate and fizzy drinks. I didn't feel like much food, especially as I could see sticky dark red blood being pumped in me- so I had a clementine and some grapes but left the rest.
Then when we got home Daddy fried me some potatoes and okay- bear with me here. When I was younger- Dad used to cook me smoked haddock [the bright yellow one] in milk. And it is surprisingly nice!! Sounds gross, but it's really comforting...especially as I used to eat it when I was little. But anyway, Daddy cooked me that too. Then he and Lu went to bed, and Mum and I were on the sofa [cos I have to take meds at midnight so we had to wait up] but it was okay cos we watched 'Sex and the City 2' and I drank hot milk and we both had cheese and crackers [but I had cream cheese instead of real cheese because I believe in the old wives tales that it gives you nightmares if you eat it at night].
Okay, three of my favourite christmas songs have just played... 'Christmas Time'- The Darkness, 'The Power of Love'- Frankie goes to Hollywood, and 'Merry Christmas Everybody'- Slade...!!!
Oh no, East 17 have come on...'Stay' is NOT a christmas song. Its awful. Eugh! Plus, the lead singer has really manky teeth...ew.
Anyway, ITS CHRISTMAS EVE!!! But I'm not as excited as I was...I'm trying to be, but I guess the cancer is taking its toll psychologically now too. I feel sorta numb. Like Im just trying to survive each day, just kind of walking through life- not really enjoying anything. Which is sad, considering its Christmas. Also, I'm kinda weepy. Littlest things set me off...I was crying in hospital yesterday, though- and I got a nose bleed. I feel bad because it bled all over the pillow... Oops!
Anyway, I've got to go get dressed because we're all traipsing down to the church to watch Lucy in the nativity. She's playing some made up character called Sarah, who's meant to be the inn keepers daughter...Well, it should be fun to see Lucy in her costume supplied by the Church. Hehehe... :D
Anyhoo- Much Love to everyone, and I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas!!
Lots and lots and lots o' Love,
Befuddled, and trying to get in a Christmassy mood, Baldy <3 xoxoxox

Oh, the sweet taste of Freedom!

I am so sorry I haven't written in so long! It really is appalling that I failed to update but I've been rather busy. So. Here is what has happened since I last wrote.
Okay, so you know I was having trouble with my nose? Well, it got worse and worse and worse until it was so painful that I had to have constant ice otherwise I wailed and screamed in pain. Yay. Anyway, to make things worse- on the Sunday night my knees started to really hurt. I went in to Addenbrookes on Monday 12th for my last dose of OEPA chemo- but I was crying and my blood pressure was up because I was in pain and I was generally tearful and not well. So my lovely oncologists Dr Burke and Ramya looked at my throat and my nose and my knees and they said that I should be admitted.
So, I was then admitted onto the childrens cancer ward where I was swabbed and looked at and then hooked up to IV antibiotics. Joys. So, anyhoo- they had me on two or three different types of IV antibiotics and two types of painkillers, and an anti-fungal thing. Turns out I had a couple of viruses and an ulcerated cold sore in my nose. So, they put me in a barrier room for a night so i couldnt pass it on to the other kids, and also put me on an IV antiviral.
So, I was in hospital only a couple days when things took a turn for the awful. My knees, which hadnt been TOO bad until then, suddenly seemed to be the thing causing me agony. I couldnt move for pain, and even heat treatments wouldnt work. The physiotherapist, Laura, came to see me though, and she gave me excercises and organised for me to have a TENS machine on them [the machine they use for pregnant ladies]- which worked. I still couldnt walk without pain though, unfortunately. In fact, I still cant and Im out of hospital.
Anyhow, I had been in hospital five days when my friends came to see me. First it was Phoebe and Laura- who brought presents and biscuits made by Eleanor- and smiles and hugs and gossip. Then Matt, Jordan and Becky came to see me on the Friday and they also brought gifts and cards and smiles and gossip and hugs! It was so nice to see them as I hadnt had any real teenage contact in weeks, and was having withdrawal symptoms.
Then, everything was going well and I was planning to go home on the Saturday but my temperature spiked and they had to keep me for observation- then it spiked again and they had to put me back on antibiotics. Over the weekend the lovely Reeds visited me, and we had Costa tea and coffee and chatted...which was lovely [thank you Reeds for visiting me and the uber-huge box of Cadburys chocolates :)!]
On Monday they let me out [with a whole trunk load of drugs I have to take daily -.-] and I have started properly looking forward to Christmas. So, though I have to take 2 types of painkillers, and 3 other oral medicines- not to mention 2 different types of nasal cream- Im really glad to be out.
I have planned a mini christmas get together with my friends, and Im REALLY looking forward to Christmas Day with the family.
Today was fun, though. After a rather lousy nights sleep, I woke up quite weepy and depressed [as you do some mornings when you realise you have to spend a christmas with cancer], but Mum and Dad took me to La Hogue Farm Shop and we looked at the christmas barn and they had an evil sheep that kept glaring at me, then we shopped at the food store and got cheese! And then we at soup and drank tea at the cafe...yum!
After all this exciting stuff we went to Waitrose and bought all the food for my Christmas get together [Mexican nom nom...] and generally did a big shop.
So, that was my day... Exciting stuff, eh? ;)
Anyway, Im pretty knackered so Im going to go- but I shall keep you posted!!
Much Love!
Befuddled and taking an annoying amount of medication Baldy <3 xoxoxoxox

Poker face...more like red hot poker nose :/

09/12/2011
Hey Everyone! Sorry it's been so long since I last wrote...these weeks have NOT been the best weeks, aside from the fact that my Daddy's back! Yaaaay!
So, Late Night Shopping Night was AWFUL...nothing was open longer than eight, and the people who went were just teens, and it- well, just take my word for it; it sucked. Although, Mum did buy me some rather fetching red and green reindeer antlers with little bells on them...
But anyway, then the next day [Wednesday] was a bit bad for nausea, but I was getting okay by evening so I went to Heathrow with Mum...armed with skips, a calipo ice lolly, cheestrings, strawberry laces and a chocolate mousse. Just to nibble on in the car...hey, its a long journey. Well, it turned out that me plus any kind of physical excertion plus a public area did not mix too well...after we had popped into WHSmith [to get more skips]- I started to feel very nauseous which led to me spending 5 minutes in the Heathrow toilets panicking about whether I was going to throw up or not. Which I didnt, as I took some ondansetron which made it all [almost] better.
I really didn't do anything on Thursday...didn't have the energy. I mostly just whined about nausea and back pain and foot pain and nose pain. Oh, my nose!! I feel like someone has smashed my face in. My eyes are red, and small and dry and irritated- my lips are swollen and chapped, my face is puffy. And my nose feels like someone has shoved red hot pokers up it, while simultanously ripping all the skin off the inside of it. Which has made me a little tearful the past couple days, not just because of the EXTRAORDINARY pain but also cos my nose and eyes are connected and my eyes are so irritated that they keep tearing up. Nice... Well, I shall continue this post tomorrow as I am starving and my nose is starting to tighten up again so I might cry...yay.

10/12/2011
Okay. NOW my nose is wrecked. After not much sleep, and constant getting up to put ice on the nose- I am grumpy and exhausted. Yay. So, I dont have the patience to write, nor the energy. Sorry :/
Grumpy, Befuddled and totally exhausted Baldy xoxoxoxox

The Late Night Shopping Night! :)

You know its around Christmas when they start playing Aled Jones on all the music channels... :D! I wonder what his friends thought of his abnormally high voice...
Well, not much happened today. Woke up with an awful sore throat and nose from my cold...and then had to take all my meds- which gave me acid reflux. Or general pain in the chest... Which was pretty bothersome for a couple hours- but after a bowl of hot soup, onion rings, potato smileys and frozen yoghurt I was okay. My joints are starting to ache again, and the nausea is coming and going- but I have to be thankful that its not too bad, yet. Touch wood it wont get any worse!
And we spent most of the day watching Christmassy movies/programmes...and now Lu and I are watching Christmas music videos [Slade is on at the moment..."ITS CHRISTMAS!!"] while munching malteasers...and she gives me a mini- foot massage...Oh, God Bless younger siblings!
But here's the really exciting thing- we're going late night shopping later! Oh yes, the time has come once again for the annual Newmarket Late Night Shopping Night! It's gonna be awesome!
There will be so much Christmas cheer, and I can look out for presents and stuff...and generally get out of the house...I am so going to have to wear warm stuff though, as its FREEZING inside, never mind outside!!
You all have permission to be jealous ;) Still got parents gifts to buy...and Lucy's...but I think I know what I'm getting her. Because she told me what she wanted...without any hesitation, might I add. I have a fairly good idea on what kind of things to get Mum...but still unsure on what Dad's getting her, so have to wait so we can all consult. I know what I'm getting one of my cousins... not sure about the other ones!! Argh...so many people! Its great though, the panic and the rush and the wrapping and the laughing and the jokes and the actual opening on the Day... *Sigh* I love Christmas...
Anyhoo, I have to go eat [yes, Im still hungry] and generally get ready for Late Night Shopping- so toodleoo!! I shall tell you all about it later!!
Much Love!! Befuddled and excited Baldy <3 xoxoxox

Daddy Claus is coming [back] to town... ;)

Well, more has happened today than most days... :) I woke up, and ate and had a nice relaxing bath where I shampooed [yes, you read it right] my hair, which has made it all fluffy and soft. Yaay!
And then we had to head to the Hospital, so I could have my Vincristine...which didn't take TOO long, thank goodness! But they had to take a full blood count and change my dressings and check the line site [where my hickman line goes in/comes out]...and then we got talking about the next course of chemo. They didn't know too much about how it was going to go though, as I haven't even been for my PET scan yet...
Then we went and bought tickets for 'Arthur Christmas', but had a bit of time left...so went to 'Giraffe' for an early tea :) That was nice, but I chose a spicy rice dish which was a big mistake... Also, it was sort of awkward because I had to take my drugs in the middle of the restaurant and with cranberry juice, too. Let me tell you, Cranberry juice does NOT mask flavour well. At all. Ew!
Anyhoo, then we ordered dessert...ice cream for me [the vanilla was to DIE FOR.] and an expresso for Mum...well, to each his own- I guess.
And then we went, extremely bloated and a little queasy from eating so much, to see 'Arthur Christmas'- which was interesting...Funny, and very christmassy, but a little pointless. It was nice not to have to concentrate on a heavy plot line though...
On driving home, Mum and I talked about Christmas stuff...which was AWESOME, especially as we saw looaads of Christmas lights and trees on the way back to Newmarket. It was Lush!
At home, I realised that my stomach had bloated so much with chemo that I now look like an actual pregnant lady...which is an interesting development. Well, not so much interesting as disturbing, but still... And my face is still stupidly chubby... damn steroids. They dont even frickin taste nice. Deceptive, lying liquids!! Well, they just wait...I'll get them! And the precious ondansetron too!! ;)
Lonely, I am so lonely... I am, actually. I mean, I have my small family- and I shall have my Daddy back soon! But, no friends at the moment. Well, I HAVE friends...just havent seen them :( Love them to bits but wish they'd see me more often [Hint ;) x].
It is my friend Lauras birthday next week. I am going to make it spettal ;) so, watch out Laura!! I love other peoples birthdays...and Christmas. I love going shopping for the presents...and watching their face as they open it!! Nice!! :D
I should probably stop prattling on now, as I still have a whole fridge full of food to devour and probably still have some weight to put on before it gets physically impossible to tell whether I'm a human or a boobah [cbbc channel...like rounder and slightly more delusional teletubbies]... And you's are all probably wanting to get back to your lives and outta mine ;) But much love to all of you, and keep reading, maybe if you're lucky something interesting might happen ;)
Muchos hugs y kisses!!  Befuddled and bloated Baldy <3 xoxoxoxox

P.S- Totally psyched for Daddy coming home on Wednesday for Christmas and New Year!! Love you, Dad!! <3 xoxoxox

General Boredom...

Okay, now I'm a little pissed. I am SO sick of feeling tired- and just five minutes ago, my back gave out. LIKE AN OLD LADY. I was standing up one minute, then I was down on the floor, winded, the next. Great. And now, Im stuck on the sofa, feeling completely exhausted physically but wide awake and alert mentally. Which is just awful, seeing as I'm watching the incredibly angst-ridden 'New Moon', and Bella currently is going on and on about how much her life sucks because her Vampire boyfriend left her to protect her. How about living with cancer, Bella? Think how hard that is!!
Anyhoo, pity party over...well, mostly. I might moan a bit longer...
I am soo annoyed, today hasn't been the best. I feel nauseous, my back is killing me and my nose keeps bleeding because I have to blow it so much with this flipping cold!! Argh!! Plus, I'm so gosh-darn hungry all the time- and now I dont even know what for! I have no cravings. And what I DO crave, I'm not even allowed!
And I haven't even done any PROPER christmas shopping yet, apart from my friends' presents. I still need to get Mums, Dads, Lucys, my cousins... Eek! I just want to feel well. Just for a few days, back to my old self. So I can do stuff, like shop and socialise and not lie around like a comatose teen all day!

Okay, NOW the pity party's over. :D So, today- apart from what I've already mentioned...Nothing has happened. Just waking up, eating, taking my drugs, watching endless reruns of 'Friends', and some kiddy-ish movies...General Boredom.
Lucy is busy trying to earn money from Mum so she can buy Christmas Presents, and has now started to pester me for money...I suppose I shall give it to her. She's already offered to do a whole bunch of things including foot massages...so I guess it's worth it :D.
I have hospital again tomorrow...yay. But at least its only West Suffolk, and only by syringe, rather than by drip... And maybe we can pop into Bury after and do some shopping...two birds with one stone, and all that!
Anyhoo, I'll probably write more later- but I have nothing else to report so Goodbye for now, Folks!
Much Love,
Befuddled and generally BORED Baldy <3 xoxoxoxox

Be still, my tingling feet! ;)

Well, my feet are going MENTAL... They're so tingly and weird! But, on the upside- CHRISTMAS IS NEARLY HERE!! Whoop whoop! Everyone is buying Christmas presents now, and Christmas songs are playing on the radio...Christmas movies are even starting to come on TV!! And I dont mean on the Christmas Movie channels either. And I know this Christmas is going to be different...and maybe slightly harder than most. But its going to be special, because I'm going to be with people I love, at a time I love.
Someone was talking to me, and they mentioned how cancer ruins lives. And yeah, sure- it does. And Im not saying that I want cancer. Who does? But I've been given a second chance at Life, and I'd be stupid not to take it and make something of it. Sure, it's hard right now and not particularly pleasant. And yeah, the next six months aren't going to be fun- but I'm lucky. Really, I mean- compared to all the others.
Cancer hasn't ruined my life, it's given me a new one. And yeah, I have to put my whole life on hold for the next few months- but given that its that or dying, I'd say it's a pretty fair deal. :)

Okay, enough with the heavy moral stuff, eh? ;) Im back on Septrin- as it's the weekend. EW. I really hate that stuff. For those of you who havent had the pleasure of me moaning about it before and have no idea what it is- it is an antibiotic medicine to keep my immune up that I have to take twice a day on weekends. Its white, gloopy and tastes like liquorice...but not even in a nice way. Plus, you cant get rid of the taste because it sticks to your throat!! Who came up with that?!
And of course I'm on the yucky lurid pink steroids three times a day, and the anti-sickness that smells like chemically-altered strawberries but definitely does NOT taste like strawberries! And then theres the gritty anti-reflux meds...I only have to take that once a day, though. Thank Goodness!!
And the AWESOME news is that Im not on ANY of these on Christmas, or even on Christmas Eve! YAY!!
But I DO have to have an echocardiogram and a PET scan on the 22nd...which is sorta sucky. An echocardiogram is basically like an ultrasound [you know, the thing for pregnant ladies] for my heart. They even use the gross cold gel...ew!! It got on my clothes last time and I was like EW, EW, EW!! And a PET scan is like a CT scan, except they use some other weird liquid...its a bit annoying though- because it means getting a cannula in my hand or elbow or somewhere...I really do hate needles. But its only one, I guess. And then after that nightmare is over, its only 3 days till Christmas! YAY!!
Im sooo excited about waking up on Christmas morning and jumping on Mum and Dads bed with our stockings!! PSYCHED!!
Wow, I need to calm down...its not for another 22 days yet...but still. Whoop!
Anyhoo, I need to go now- so Much Love to everyone who hasn't gotten bored of this site yet!!
Befuddled and totally psyched for Christmas Baldy <3 xoxoxoxox

Only 22 Days 'till Xmas!! :)

Well, not much to report today- either. I had a luuverly hot bath this morning, and actually conditioned my hair. Well, whats left of it anyway. Now it's all fluffy... :D
And then straight into Hospital, as usual...Today wasn't too bad- not much nausea, not much anything, actually. I painted a plate red. Yes, I put all my creative genius into painting a plastic plate red. Whoop! Oh, and some stain glass sun catcher things...I did paint a very cute frog one of them...It will go in a window somewhere...I hope.
Then, we went to Tesco- where they had NO santa hats, much to my disappointment...I really wanted to get into the Christmas spirit...But they DID have giant christmas packs of malteasers and yummy foreign food...:D I'm eating like a horse at the moment. I literally have about 3-4 dinners a night, and snack throughout the whole rest of the day. It feels good to eat...well, most of the time...although- I AM back to my normal weight now so I'd better cut back a little...
Then, we came home and I had a party to go to! My wonderful friend Becky is hosting a Christmassy Party even as I type...unfortunately I am EXHAUSTED and getting to be neutrapenic so could only go for an hour- but it was nice to see everyone, and I giggled and laughed a lot. Especially at Becky's kittens aversion to Matt...it was probably because he kept feeling up their 'cute' ears... :D
Once back at home, I ate two more dinners- and settled down to watch 'Over her Dead Body'...which was entertaining...but I am absolutely shattered, not in a sleepy way though- just in a whole body is tired but it won't let me sleep kind of way. Which is annoying. Also, I am SUPER- psyhed about Christmas...I'm sooo excited!! I cant wait to put my christmas stocking on the end of my bed, and then putting out the port/sherry and the mince pies, and the carrots for Rudolph! ONLY 23 DAYS TILL CHRISTMAS!! Well, it's half past midnight, so I guess its actually 22 days till Christmas!! :)
So, I'd better go now as I have 'Miss Congeniality 2' to watch and some nibbles to...well, nibble!
So, goodnight y'all!! And a special shout out to my Dad, who is coming back to Newmarket next week to visit!! Whoop whoop!! Muchos Hugs y kisses!!
Befuddled and TIRED Baldy <3 xoxoxoxox

The awkward Tesco stare ;)

So, not much happened today either... I went into Hospital, as usual...Except today my Gran came with us...The nausea is getting easier to handle, and I spent the whole time in Hospital either eating or painting christmas decorations or miniature plastic faeries. Which was actually surprisingly fun, especially when both my Mum and my Gran joined in... :D
Then we came home, and unfortunately to a slightly emptier house as my aunties had to leave today- but my Gran and Grandad are staying...so thats some good news amongst the bad.
After we came home, I was pretty tired- and my face is ever so slightly bloated...just from steroids... so I lounged about watching 'Merlin' and eating...
But then, after dinner, I really felt like icing/decorating some cupcakes so we went to Tesco and bought all the stuff- including 10 bags of mini haribo, two packets of 'Snow Bites', 24 cupcakes, 5 tubes of writing icing and a giant tube of pink piping icing... And headed home to ice my delicious cupcakes and watch 'Glee'. That was awesome! The funniest thing, though, was the look a girl about two years older than me gave me....I was harmlessly looking at cupcakes...plain or chocolate? Undeniably a huge decision- and in the end I went for both. But, anyhoo- she snorted at my hat. True, it is EXTREMELY fluffy, and does have horns...and does make me look like a creature from that childrens book 'Where the Wild things are'...but it is gorgeously warm and feels good on my bald head... So, just because I was feeling slightly annoyed that a perfect stranger would snort at another perfect strangers hat, I whipped it off. And looked her right in the eye. I shall call that moment 'The Awkward Tesco Stare' and it SHALL go down in History, because the look she gave me after that was PURE sorry... :D Oh, the fun I shall have with this newfound talent...And with my puffy face, watery eyes and rudolph nose [yes, I am not very attractive at the moment- but I DO have a cold...and cancer, so gimme a break ;)...], I really shocked her. Well, I guess that will teach her to snort at strangers hats in future...
Anyhoo, I have to have some soup now, as I am sneezing and wheezing and need some hot thing to keep me going...
Love to all- Befuddled but very smug Baldy <3 xoxoxo

PS- For those of you who are friends with me on the book of face, there are pictures of my 'artistically decorated' and 'unusual, but interesting' cupcakes on there ;) xo