Im so sorry that I haven't written. But, I actually have just had nothing to say. I've been waiting for some spark of inspiration but nothing comes. And I still have nothing to say. Im sorry folks.
Life is just...difficult at the moment. Everything seems to just take twice as much effort..and I seem to get less pleasure out of everything. Its kind of sad, but I guess its just cos Im tired.
Im lonely, too. This sounds selfish, but no-one apart from my close family get just how HARD this is for me, and how miserable it all is because they never see it. And I dont even know if they WANT to...
But to whoever is reading this: I dont want your pity, but I DO want you to understand...
Cancer is AWFUL. It is the single hardest, most horrific thing I have ever had to experience. On average, I cry at least once a day. Im in pain almost every second of every day. I get on average three good hours of sleep a night and I haven't been comfortable in six months. I have almost absolutely no dignity left and I have lost all my looks [no matter how many times people tell me im beautiful, I still feel unattractive]. Im lonely, and Im not allowed to do SO many things. I feel abnormal. Hopefully now some of you will see that although I DO put on a brave face and try to act like normal- I am in HELL. There wasn't much point in telling you all of that but I wanted everyone to understand. And no matter how many times people tell me what a brave girl I am- the only reason I am doing this sometimes is because I have NO CHOICE. And for my Mum and Dad.
Anyway, also a HUGE SHOUT OUT to my amazing, wonderful, inspirational Father- who turns the big five-oh tomorrow!! I love you more than words can possibly express, Daddy. Happy Birthday!!!!
Much Love folks,
Befuddled and finding Life more challenging than usual Baldy <3 xoxo
Life is just...difficult at the moment. Everything seems to just take twice as much effort..and I seem to get less pleasure out of everything. Its kind of sad, but I guess its just cos Im tired.
Im lonely, too. This sounds selfish, but no-one apart from my close family get just how HARD this is for me, and how miserable it all is because they never see it. And I dont even know if they WANT to...
But to whoever is reading this: I dont want your pity, but I DO want you to understand...
Cancer is AWFUL. It is the single hardest, most horrific thing I have ever had to experience. On average, I cry at least once a day. Im in pain almost every second of every day. I get on average three good hours of sleep a night and I haven't been comfortable in six months. I have almost absolutely no dignity left and I have lost all my looks [no matter how many times people tell me im beautiful, I still feel unattractive]. Im lonely, and Im not allowed to do SO many things. I feel abnormal. Hopefully now some of you will see that although I DO put on a brave face and try to act like normal- I am in HELL. There wasn't much point in telling you all of that but I wanted everyone to understand. And no matter how many times people tell me what a brave girl I am- the only reason I am doing this sometimes is because I have NO CHOICE. And for my Mum and Dad.
Anyway, also a HUGE SHOUT OUT to my amazing, wonderful, inspirational Father- who turns the big five-oh tomorrow!! I love you more than words can possibly express, Daddy. Happy Birthday!!!!
Much Love folks,
Befuddled and finding Life more challenging than usual Baldy <3 xoxo
