'Kicking Cancer in the Nuts and Bolts'

Hallo everyone!!

This is a cry for help-

My fabulous boyfriend and the other boys in our group are doing a ONE HUNDRED MILE bike ride in the Easter Holidays to raise money for the Teenage Cancer Trust. As most of you know, the Teenage Cancer Trust has been AMAZING to me all through my treatment and now, when I'm recovery, it's still helping me with all sorts. The boys decided this year that not only I would be the inspiration but also a very good friend of mine who is battling cancer right now, Jamiee Sherwood. Both of us would be so grateful if you would please donate to this cause because the Teenage Cancer Trust does so much for people like me who don't fit on adult wards, but also don't fit on children's wards.

Kicking Cancer in the Nuts and Bolts Boys

Here are the links to the social media pages and the Just Giving page:

BIKE RIDE JUST GIVING LINK

FACEBOOK PAGE BIKE RIDE LINK

OUR TWITTER ACCOUNT

Seeing as I'm organising the PR and this side of it- I dont want to let the side down, so I would really appreciate any donations but if you can't donate I would definitely appreciate a like or a follow on either of the social media pages!

LOADS OF LOVE,
Befuddled x

Brian Lobel- Amazing

Second time in one night, you lucky people (or unlucky).

I was just trawling through Jimmyteens, as I do a lot of the time, and noticed this was finally up. Find Your Sense Of Tumour made cancer a lot easier for me to deal with- and now they've put up one of my favourite talks from the whole event!

The Amazing Brian Lobel

Click on the link and watch the most amazing performance ever- he really made me comfortable with cancer, and for that I thank him.

(I EVEN GOT A PICTURE WITH HIM)

Befuddled <3

I'm now a dropout

So I gave in. I left school, because it was far too difficult for me to continue. Only the rest of this year out, mind. I think that maybe school was fine for me before I was ill, but it maybe is not the best place to be when I am trying to recover. Ending up back in hospital twice in one month was enough to prove that. Also- I don't think many people realise the emotional struggle that goes on in school. Not only do you have the stress and pressure of all the essays and the exams looming at the end of the year but also the tiredness that comes with doing work into the late hours of the night and having to get up every day and walk around the school while cramming as much knowledge into your brain as possible at the same time as worrying that you're going to completely fail one whole subject because you don't get one topic! Its very stressful.
Getting back to such a public setting was difficult for me, I do love being sociable but at the same time I enjoy being at my computer with my writing up in front of me, or settling down under my little blue reading light with a cup of tea and my battered copy of The Magicians Nephew. I'm not at all a recluse but I'm not used to upset or arguments on a big scale anymore, really. Near Christmas, before we were about to break up for the holidays, there was a big upset involving me where a couple of "friends" were quite hurtful, and those "friends" are no longer in my life but it still shook home to me just how much I had been through and how fragile I was emotionally, how I still am. I'm not saying they were the entire reason for me leaving, because they weren't- but they tipped me over, having that sort of negativity isn't the attitude I need to be able to get to a place where I'm comfortable and recovering well. But, in pushing me over the edge, they forced me to quit- which was something I should have done months before so I really should be thanking them for that small positive amongst it all.
Anyway, out of all of that I decided that I am now going to focus on me, and getting me better and back to myself. I sound like the Twinings tea ad, but I mean it. It's time for me to finally wake up and see that actually, maybe following a doctor/nurses advice isn't such a bad thing after all! You all know how I like to bend the rules in my favour as much as possible, either that or I just ignore them- I must be a wonderful patient! *doctors rocking back and forth* Ooops!
It doesn't help that my insomnia has gotten completely out of hand and I'm now awake until 3 or 4 in the morning every night just lying there, thinking. It does help I have so many books, though, and that I do love to write. It's how I get things done, but I'm fast losing hours of my day to sleeping in or not being able to function through sleep deprivation. I went to the doctors and was given a drowsy antihistamine, which didnt work, and was given sleeping tablets- but they didn't work either and I've now not gone back in the fear that maybe they'll give me something that will make me horribly groggy! Ugh, sedatives.
So my days mainly consist of endless snacking (a full 3lbs has been put on since I quit), writing, reading, watching Modern Family, and various other programmes (including late night sex and the city), and planning my days out to every detail. Recently I decided to go on a healthy eating plan though, not just to lose weight but also just to get my health sorted and do whatever is in my power to prevent the cancer coming back! So far all of my scans have come back as clear, but there's always that niggling fear in the back of my mind that it's going to come back and I'm going to have to go through all the horrific things I went through all over again. And having gotten so much of my life back now, I don't think I could cope if it did.

Another thing I have started is my 101 Things To Do When You Survive list! A wonderful ex-cancer patient called Greig Trout has his website of his list, and I got inspiration from him to write my own. Just because I'm not dying doesn't mean I shouldn't have a list of things I really want to do! So, I have written the first 39, and am quite pleased with my lists so far. A lot of them I can do quite easily, but quite a few I don't know when I'll be able to complete them.

I'll update again soon, and show you at least the first twenty of them, my nosy loved ones.

Much love to all you beautiful people,

Befuddled x