Im so sorry that I haven't written. But, I actually have just had nothing to say. I've been waiting for some spark of inspiration but nothing comes. And I still have nothing to say. Im sorry folks.
Life is just...difficult at the moment. Everything seems to just take twice as much effort..and I seem to get less pleasure out of everything. Its kind of sad, but I guess its just cos Im tired.
Im lonely, too. This sounds selfish, but no-one apart from my close family get just how HARD this is for me, and how miserable it all is because they never see it. And I dont even know if they WANT to...
But to whoever is reading this: I dont want your pity, but I DO want you to understand...
Cancer is AWFUL. It is the single hardest, most horrific thing I have ever had to experience. On average, I cry at least once a day. Im in pain almost every second of every day. I get on average three good hours of sleep a night and I haven't been comfortable in six months. I have almost absolutely no dignity left and I have lost all my looks [no matter how many times people tell me im beautiful, I still feel unattractive]. Im lonely, and Im not allowed to do SO many things. I feel abnormal. Hopefully now some of you will see that although I DO put on a brave face and try to act like normal- I am in HELL. There wasn't much point in telling you all of that but I wanted everyone to understand. And no matter how many times people tell me what a brave girl I am- the only reason I am doing this sometimes is because I have NO CHOICE. And for my Mum and Dad.
Anyway, also a HUGE SHOUT OUT to my amazing, wonderful, inspirational Father- who turns the big five-oh tomorrow!! I love you more than words can possibly express, Daddy. Happy Birthday!!!!
Much Love folks,
Befuddled and finding Life more challenging than usual Baldy <3 xoxo
Life is just...difficult at the moment. Everything seems to just take twice as much effort..and I seem to get less pleasure out of everything. Its kind of sad, but I guess its just cos Im tired.
Im lonely, too. This sounds selfish, but no-one apart from my close family get just how HARD this is for me, and how miserable it all is because they never see it. And I dont even know if they WANT to...
But to whoever is reading this: I dont want your pity, but I DO want you to understand...
Cancer is AWFUL. It is the single hardest, most horrific thing I have ever had to experience. On average, I cry at least once a day. Im in pain almost every second of every day. I get on average three good hours of sleep a night and I haven't been comfortable in six months. I have almost absolutely no dignity left and I have lost all my looks [no matter how many times people tell me im beautiful, I still feel unattractive]. Im lonely, and Im not allowed to do SO many things. I feel abnormal. Hopefully now some of you will see that although I DO put on a brave face and try to act like normal- I am in HELL. There wasn't much point in telling you all of that but I wanted everyone to understand. And no matter how many times people tell me what a brave girl I am- the only reason I am doing this sometimes is because I have NO CHOICE. And for my Mum and Dad.
Anyway, also a HUGE SHOUT OUT to my amazing, wonderful, inspirational Father- who turns the big five-oh tomorrow!! I love you more than words can possibly express, Daddy. Happy Birthday!!!!
Much Love folks,
Befuddled and finding Life more challenging than usual Baldy <3 xoxo
I don't think anyone can ever understand until they go through it, I am just glad that you still have the strength to find your voice. You are right to be honest about how you crap you feel. Sometimes you just have to call a spade a spade....this is sh*t. It is 100% sh*t. But it will get better, it simply has to. Keep your chin up lovely girl. Lots of love, hugs, Vix (Robertson - Torie Black is my old google account) xxxx
ReplyDeleteDear beautiful girl: I would you love to see you happy, but you are not, but guess what? You can get some inspirations with Cami Walker's story and her amazing 29 day gift challenge. You can join a support group to feel empowered and to get the understand you need. You can go to an excelent Hypnotherapist and work with your subconscious mind. You can watch the amazing documentary Beyond Belief to feel inspired and get ideas to work with your mind. You can write five things you are grateful every day - you breath, you have lovely parents that adore you, you have medical help, you have computer, internet, tv, books, music, food, friends, relatives, pet, house, etc! You have your own imagination! You can visualize amazing things for your future! Did you read the story of Christina Pirello? Did you read the story of Kris Carr? She has an amazing documentary - "Crazy Sexy Cancer" and she is very much alive and beautiful! Your disease is a hidden blessing! Enjoy your time to finding yourself...and to create what you want! Look deep at your heart! You have all you need inside you!!! Get more inspiration with this amazing book - Creative Visualization: Use the Power of Your Imagination to Create What You Want in Your Life by Shakti Gawain - the pink bubble visualization is awesome! Invite Alice from the Bucket List to talk! What about join an online support group? If you do not find in England you can find in USA. You are not alone! You are loved and you can beat this disease! You can do it! You totally can do it! You will see! All the love, Claudia
ReplyDeletePS: You can listen twice a day this amazing Healing Meditation with Kelly Howell - it is good to relax, to work with your core beliefs and to find hope and inspiration - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFh-Km4AXeE